Janna says that her favorite version of me is “vacation Justin.” I guess I can’t argue with her. I shut off from my phone, my work and any concerns beyond when/what/where to eat next, should we hang at the beach or pool, should we throw a baseball/football/frisbee, should we Ski-Doo/parasail/fish, should we do nothing, etc. I like vacation me best too.
The most depressing day of the year for me is the day we drive home from vacation…I know, it’s pathetic. I have a wonderful life, but I literally sink into a reflective depression for 13 hours as we drive home and stuff my face with powdered donuts and Milk-Duds to get through it.
Well, during this 13-hour reflection last summer, I had the thought, “This let-down has to point to something else.” Between donut and Milk-Dud binges, I had a moment of clarity with the Lord where he simply said, “This [vacation] was never meant to satisfy you. Only I can do that!” I love vacation because it’s the closest thing to pure joy I can point to in this life – uninterrupted time with Janna and the kids, time with the Lord in a beautiful setting, great food, new places and things to do, etc. But, when we come home from vacation, there’s a deep unsettledness in my soul about leaving.
Have you experienced a deep unsettledness in your soul over something? Maybe it’s not something as pleasant as vacation. Maybe it’s the brokenness in your life. Maybe it’s the brokenness you observe in the world. Whether it’s the joyful moments that we just want more of or the hardships we are confronted with, all of it proclaims loudly, “There must be more than this!”
Romans 8:18-25
I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. For the creation waits in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the freedom and glory of the children of God.
We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the first fruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption to sonship, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.
What do you hope for? What is it based on? Is it temporal or eternal?
May Lent be an awakening of holy hope for you. May you move toward the pangs of your soul and find a hope that won’t perish, spoil or fade like vacation bliss (1 Peter 1:4).